


All Over Again

by lovelyday86



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, M/M, Smut, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-08 06:41:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14688594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyday86/pseuds/lovelyday86
Summary: Johnny and Taeyong are broken, but maybe they deserve one more chance to make it right





	1. Chapter 1

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and all Johnny can think is that they should really just shut the fuck up. He'd been out late last night and his head was beginning to throb in response to the ridiculous amount of early morning light streaming in through the window. He groans and rolls over to tell his boyfriend to shut the damn curtains. The words are about to leave his lips, but he catches himself in time. The bed is empty. His boyfriend isn't there. Taeyong is gone. 

"Fuck," Johnny mumbles to himself, ignoring the slight and yet undeniable ache in his chest. He knocks on his chest a few times with a clenched fist, rubs the sleep from his eyes, and gets out of bed.

For the most part Johnny thinks that he's handling this breakup well, especially since he was the dumpee as opposed to the dumper. Taeyong had dumped him. The thought almost makes Johnny laugh. It’s ludicrous, really, the fact that they weren't together. Johnny holds in his laugh, knowing that it would be hollow and bitter. He continues to eat his breakfast at a table meant for two.

"Breakfast of champions," he mumbles to an empty apartment. He shovels another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

Taeyong, on the other hand, isn't handling anything well at all.

"Get up," Doyoung yells, banging on his roommate's locked door. "Get up right now, Lee Taeyong, or I will kick this door in and make you pay for it. I know your ass is broke so open up."

To Doyoung's surprise, the door flies open.

"You don't know anything about my ass, Kim Doyoung," Taeyong grumbles while getting back into bed and pulling the sheets over his head. 

"Was that a joke?" Doyoung asks, hands flying to his chest in mock surprise. "You must be feeling better." He enters the room and flops down on the bed next to the Taeyong shaped lump of blankets.

Incoherent mumblings are the only response he gets. 

"Well," Doyoung starts, "Guess I’ll just have to get better acquainted with that ass then."

Taeyong pulls down the sheets just enough to reveal his face. 

"Gross," Taeyong replies and Doyoung laughs in earnest. 

"That's what I thought. Now get out of bed. The only gross person here is you. You stink. When was the last time you showered?"

Taeyong shrugs. He isn't sure. He's not sure about anything these days. The ever present sadness is beginning to make its presence known when the blankets are torn away from him. Taeyong sighs, knowing there's no point in resisting Doyoung.

"Ugh. Your sheets are a disaster," Doyoung says, wrinkling his nose.

“Just like my life," Taeyong mumbles under his breath, much like a sulk teenager would, before making his way to the bathroom.

Johnny stands in the shower, eyes closed, letting the hot water and steam envelop his body. He opens his eyes, reaching for his cheap, drugstore, apple scented body wash before changing his mind and grabbing the bottle next to it. Taeyong's body wash was the opposite of Johnny's. It's branded, expensive, and has a vanilla scent that isn't artificial in the slightest. Johnny flips open the cap of the bottle, taking a deep breath and savoring the scent that never failed to drive him wild. His body responds in kind and Johnny is half hard in an embarrassingly short amount of time. He sighs, wondering if he should just ignore it, but as he lathers Taeyong's body wash over his own body the want becomes too great. A soapy hand slides down his body to grip his aching cock. Johnny braces himself against the shower wall. His hand moves faster as he focuses his thoughts on Taeyong. 

The feeling of Taeyong chest pressed against his back.

The way Taeyong's breath hitches when he kisses that special spot behind his left ear.

The look of bliss on Taeyong's face, eyes scrunched closed and mouth open, panting.

The sound of Taeyong's voice, moaning his name, _"Johnny..."_

His orgasm hits like a punch to the gut and Johnny remains under the water breathing hard. He stands there for a few minutes more, relishing the pleasure that is too short lived. 

Johnny shuts off the water, opens the shower door, and grabs a towel. 

Life goes on. 

He'll never admit it out loud, but Taeyong does feel better after his shower.

He's wrapped up in Doyoung's bathrobe, seated on Doyoung's couch in the living room of Doyoung's apartment. It'd been a month since he'd shown up at his friend's doorstep, a crying mess with all his belongings in tow. Doyoung had let him in without any questions and Taeyong had never left. He didn't pay rent, barely helped with housework, and hadn't been the most pleasant person to live with, but Doyoung never once asked or even hinted that he should leave. His friend's kindness had tears welling up in eyes.

"Don't start that again," Doyoung says, interrupting Taeyong's thoughts. He taps on his phone a bit before sliding it into his pocket and joining Taeyong on the couch. "I've had enough of your crying. You still look terrible, by the way. Even after a shower."

Taeyong chuckles. Kind words were never Doyoung's way. He thinks that only Doyoung could make a person feel loved by swearing at them.

"Thanks," Taeyong replies, a small smile on his face.

"Thanks? Thanks for telling you that you look like you got run over by a garbage truck?"

"Well, that. That and everything else. For taking me in and letting me stay and -"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Doyoung says, waving a hand in the air as if he could swat Taeyong's words away. "Are you finally ready to talk about it?"

 _Not really,_ Taeyong thinks. Doyoung's been more than patient with him, though, and Taeyong knows he deserves an explanation.

"Johnny and I broke up."

"I figured that much."

"I left him."

Taeyong watches as Doyoung's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and he lets out a sad laugh, the sound twisting Doyoung's gut.

"I know, right? It's laughable, really. Me leaving him. But I did it. I packed my things and walked out."

Taeyong can't hold back the tears any longer and Doyoung pulls the smaller man into his arms.

"Johnny's an asshole anyway," Doyoung starts, but Taeyong cuts him off.

"No he's not. Don't say that."

"Then I'm sure you had a good reason."

"No. I really didn't."

They sit in silence for awhile, Taeyong crying softly on Doyoung’s shoulder. Taeyong sits up suddenly, haphazardly wiping the tears from his face with the back of his hand. 

"It’s been awhile since I've cooked and I'm hungry. You want anything?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Whatever you're having."

Doyoung watches Taeyong make his way to the kitchen still wearing nothing but his bathrobe. He opens up the refrigerator and begins rummaging around, humming softly to himself. At least I won't have to force feed him today.

Doyoung shrugs, pulling his phone out of his pocket and quickly sending a text before he joins Taeyong in the kitchen.

[Why didn't you tell me?] 

Johnny has showered, done his laundry, and tidied an apartment that didn't need tidying. He is fresh out of distracting things to do. Picking up his discarded phone, Johnny flops down on the couch and puts his feet up. He checks his text messages first.

[How is he?]

[Better, I think. I convinced him to shower. I'll try to get him to eat something later, but you know how he can be.]

-20 minutes later-

[Why didn't you tell me?]

Taeyong had finally opened up. A sad smile crosses Johnny's face, feeling something close to relief. He puts his phone down, not really sure how to answer Doyoung's question. He's suddenly very tired. 

Everything that happened on the day that Taeyong moved out was one giant blurry memory in Johnny's mind, all the details fuzzy around the edges. He thinks he tried to convince Taeyong to stay. He probably begged, but in the end it didn't matter what Johnny had said or done because Taeyong had left him anyway. Johnny's mind had done its very best to process the reality of his situation. 

_Taeyong is gone_ , his mind keeps telling him, screaming at him really, and yet Johnny is still having a hard time believing that it's true.

It doesn't take very long before his confusion gives way to worry. Where would Taeyong go? Did he even have a place to stay? Love is funny like that, Johnny guesses. Taeyong has just shattered his heart into a million pieces and still, all he could do was worry about where Taeyong was. Johnny feels about five seconds away from what he assumes is a full blown panic attack (he can't be sure, he's never had one before) when he remembers Doyoung, Taeyong's closest friend. Of course he would go there.

[Taeyong is going to your place] 

[And why can't Taeyong tell me himself?]

[Just let him in, okay? Please. Something happened]

[Fine]

[Let me know when he gets there?]

[Fine]

Johnny's knees give out and he slides down the wall he'd been leaning on for support. 

_Why am I so lightheaded?_

He brings his knees to his chest, hugging his legs tightly.

"Hold it together," Johnny whispers to himself. "Just a little longer."

Minute after agonizing minute passes by while Johnny does his level best not to throw up or lose consciousness. It doesn't make sense, Johnny thinks, that the ache in chest would make it so damn difficult to breathe. He tries to takes deep breath, but the pain is so sharp that he almost chokes. 

 _Please_ , Johnny begs, his face buried in his to knees. _Just please make it to Doyoung's._  

When his phone finally buzzes Johnny lurches for it, hoping that Taeyong is okay.

[He's here]

Relief floods Johnny's body in an instant, momentarily taking away the pain. He continues to read.

[I can't believe you, Johnny. How could you?]

It takes him a moment to realize that Doyoung assumes Johnny had dumped Taeyong. Even in his current state, Johnny could see how Doyoung would come to that conclusion. Taeyong was, by his own admission, very clingy. He had relentlessly pursued Johnny for months. No matter how many times Johnny turned him down, told him they weren't right for each other, warned him that he'd only end up hurting them both, Taeyong never gave up. 

"I hear you Johnny," he'd say, flashing a smile that was slowly but surely becoming Johnny's most favorite smile. "I'm just choosing not to listen." 

Eventually Johnny caved, opening his heart to the man who would change his life and, apparently, break him in the process.

The crushing weight in Johnny's chest is back. He manages to type out a quick text before finally letting go. The sobs rack his body and his phone falls to the floor.

[I'm sorry]

"Waiting for a call or something?"

Doyoung looks up to find Taeyong staring at him, one eyebrow arched.

"You've been checking your phone every 10 minutes. Got a new sext-mate or something?"

"None of your business freeloader," Doyoung mumbles in response. Taeyong laughs and it's a real laugh. "For your information it's called sexting and that's not what I'm doing... Currently, anyway."

It'd been three months since Taeyong had shown up at his doorstep and Doyoung could see the how much better he'd gotten. Doyoung no longer had to drag him out of bed and force him to shower. Taeyong had taken to preparing all their meals and had even started singing again when he thought Doyoung couldn't hear him. Nights were a different story. He wasn't sure how much sleep Taeyong actually got and he knew Taeyong still cried, but he hoped with time that would pass as well. Taeyong was finally making a go at normalcy and that's all that mattered. It wasn't Taeyong that Doyoung was worried about though. It'd been a week since Johnny's last text. At first his texts came every day, asking for an update on how Taeyong was. Doyoung couldn't understand it. Why would you dumb someone out of the blue and still want to keep tabs on them? He'd ignored the first few texts, but eventually relented as the messages became more frequent and pleading. Updating Johnny about Taeyong's condition became a part of Doyoung's daily routine. But as the messages arrived less frequently, Doyoung's concern only grew. He had to do something about it. 

"Hey, moocher."

"Hmmm," Taeyong answers, not at all bothered by Doyoung's constant digs at him.

"I'm stepping out for a bit. Make yourself useful and wash these dishes."

"Kay..."

"I won't be gone for too long so don't slack off. Make sure your phone is charged. You're always forgetting to charge the damn thing. What's the point in having a cell phone if you don't even -"

"Doyoung-ah," Taeyong interrupts. "I'm fine."

Not a lot of people knew it, but Doyoung was a sucker for such endearments. He takes one look at Taeyong’s smug face and gets up from the table. 

"Did I ask?" Doyoung replies, stepping out and shutting the door on Taeyong's laugh.

[Meet me at the park near my place]

Johnny sits crossed leg on a park bench, shaded by a large tree. He takes a long drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke fill his lungs.

Shit, that feels nice.

He'd taken up smoking again exactly one week after Taeyong left. It was a habit he'd picked up in college. It was something to do in between classes, during work breaks, and honestly he just needed something to calm his nerves enough so that he could get through the day. Taeyong had helped him quit. Johnny always said that he was coerced into it. Taeyong always defended himself, claiming that he had simply made a convincing argument. 

The truth? Taeyong was one hell of a tease.

Taeyong resists the urge to pinch himself. 

 _This is real_ , he chides.  _You've been with Johnny for exactly 6 weeks, today._

It had taken him months to convince Johnny to give him a chance and in the back of Taeyong's mind there was a constant worry that Johnny would suddenly have a change of heart because he had been so reluctant in the first place. Johnny had been proving him wrong every day for 6 weeks. 

The sliding door to his balcony opens and Johnny walks in. A cool breeze follows him, but so does the smell of cigarette smoke. Taeyong wrinkles his nose. He thinks smoking is such a unneccessary and irresponsible habit. He'd been trying to get Johnny to quit. The logical reasoning hadn't worked, neither had the begging or the puppy dog eyes, but Taeyong had a new plan; one that he was determined to put into action today. Johnny takes a seat next to his boyfriend on the couch. He'd taken to smoking on the balcony since Taeyong hated it so much. (He didn't want Taeyong inhaling all his second hand smoke anyway) It’s not that he didn't want to quit, Johnny recognized the health risks, he just didn't think that he could. He'd tried and failed before and he doubted it'd be any different this time. 

"Babe," Taeyong says. "Can we watch a movie?"

"Sure. Choose whatever you want."

Taeyong chooses a movie at random. It doesn't matter what they watch. He just needs a reason for the both of them to stay on the couch. As the movie plays Taeyong maneuvers himself so that he one leg slung over Johnny's, his head resting on Johnny's shoulder. He runs his fingers through Johnny's short red hair, making a point to let his fingertips linger at the base of his boyfriend's neck. Taeyong enjoys Johnny's small shudders. He has his hands clasped firmly in his lap, staring industrially at the TV screen and Taeyong smiles to himself. They hadn't explored the physical side of their relationship at all and Taeyong knew that he was being a little cruel, but this was all a part of his master plan. 

"Too bad you stink," Taeyong says, nuzzling Johnny's neck with his nose. 

"I... Why?" Johnny stammers.

"Because I'd really like to kiss you right now."

Taeyong is straddling Johnny now, supporting his own weight on his knees. He loops his arms around Johnny's neck. 

"We've, uhm, we've kissed a little before," Johnny stutters. The flush on his cheeks is spreading down his neck to his chest. 

Taeyong chuckles, leaning forward until their noses touch. Johnny sucks in a breath and closes his eyes.

"I mean really kiss you."

Johnny's world is spinning. He feels as if he is going out of his mind with the need to kiss Taeyong. He gasps when Taeyong suddenly lowers himself so that their crotches are touching. Johnny tentatively brings his hands to rest on the small of Taeyong's back. Taeyong pulls away just then. His smile is wide.

"Too bad I can't. I don't wanna makeout with an ashtray."

"Taeyong, please," Johnny groans. 

"Please what?" Taeyong replies, his hips starting to move in small circles.

The friction is just shy of enough and Johnny thinks he might go crazy if his boyfriend doesn't kiss him. "Please kiss me."

"No."

"No?"

The look of pure desperation on Johnny's face almost does him in, but Taeyong holds on to his resolve. "No kissing until you quit smoking. I'm not trying to be that controlling boyfriend, but you and I both know it's not healthy."

"Okay."

Taeyong didn't think it was going to be this easy. "Seriously?"

"I'm dying here, baby. I've never been more serious." Johnny feels warm all over at the sound of Taeyong's laugh.

"Thank you, Johnny. You won't regret it."

They shared their real first kiss the next day and Johnny was never again tempted to smoke.

 

The sound of someone clearing their throat brings Johnny back to the present.

"That's a nasty habit, you know."

Johnny looks up from his spot on the bench to see Doyoung standing in front of him. He was dressed as proper as ever, wearing a pale blue button up shirt and loose black slacks. The outfit should've looked out of place in a park, but somehow it worked for Doyoung. 

"I know."

Doyoung scoffs and sits down next to Johnny. "I thought you quit."

"I had." 

Johnny takes one last drag of his cigarette and crushes the butt on the bottom of his shoe.

"Taeyong would hate that you're smoking again."

"He would, but you won't tell him."

"And why won't I tell him?" Doyoung asks, one eyebrow arched. He has his arms and legs crossed, feigning nonchalance, though Johnny could see right through him. He turns to look his companion in the eye for the first time.

"Because he doesn't know you're here."

There's nothing to do except sigh in defeat. Johnny was one of the few people who was unaffected by his bravado and while it irked him a bit, Doyoung could appreciate someone who wanted to get straight to the point. 

"How'd you know I didn't tell him I was meeting you?"

Johnny shrugs. "Because you're protecting him."

"Am I really that easy to read?" Doyoung leans back, actually relaxed.

"Not really. Only when Taeyong is involved. When it comes to Taeyong you're transparent." 

Doyoung rolls his eyes. "I guess that's why we get along so well."

Johnny can't help but laugh at that. Two peas in a pod. "I guess you're right. What are we doing here anyway? Is Taeyong alright?"

Johnny ignores the way his chest tightens and Doyoung pretends not to notice the way the color has drained from Johnny's face.

"As if you care. You haven't texted for a week."

"You made it sound like he was getting better. Is he?"

"He still cries at night. I can hear him through the wall."

Doyoung didn't think it was possible, but Johnny gets even paler. He watches as his companion rubs his face in frustration, at what Doyoung isn't sure, but it hurts his heart just the same. 

"Doyoung, I -"

"I think you should call him." 

Doyoung had meant to be more subtle in his approach, but seeing Johnny in his current state called for an immediate intervention. He wasn't a mess, not exactly, but anyone who knew him would know that something was definitely off. Johnny had lost weight. It isn't a dramatic amount, but it's enough to be noticeable and make him look even more fragile. His hair was the longest Doyoung had ever seen it. Plus it was a mouse brown color. Not red, not blonde, not jet black with a trendy undercut, but a really boring shade of brown. Johnny was wearing track pants for God's sake. Doyoung had never seen him in track pants, not even when he vacationed with him and Taeyong. While Johnny's sense of style was much more subdued, Doyoung knew they shared the same amount vanity. The darkness under Johnny's eyes and the lack of spark in them had Doyoung very very worried. 

"No."

"Pretty sure I misheard you because it sounded like you just said no."

"I'm not gonna call him."

"Mind explaining that to me?"

"He doesn't want to talk to me."

Johnny had been thinking it for weeks, but he didn't think it would hurt to admit it out loud. He should've known better. Everything hurt more these days. 

"And how do you know that? Did getting dumped make you psychic?"

Johnny gives him a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes and Doyoung immediately feels like the biggest asshole on the planet.

"He would've called by now. You know that."

"I don't know that," Doyoung replies, his voice rising. "Maybe he -"

"Doyoung," Johnny cuts him off. He puts a hand on Doyoung's knee. The gesture is both intimate and gentle, two things that their relationship was not, and Doyoung suddenly feels very shaken. It's as if he's the person who needs consoling. 

"It's okay. It just means that Taeyong was serious when he left. I kept waiting for him to call me, to take it back, but he hasn't. You know how he is. He's such a stubborn person. Once he makes up his mind about something no one can change it. Taeyong made up his mind about me."

Doyoung couldn't remember the last time he was a loss for words yet here he was, sitting in front of his best friend's ex boyfriend without a single snarky thing to say. The look on his face must've been spectacular because Johnny actually laughed out loud.

"No worries. It took me awhile to figure it out too. Taeyong doesn't need me anymore. He doesn't even want me."

But Doyoung could see through Johnny's bravado just as well and he ached for the man who was trying so desperately to keep it together. Taeyong had let himself go to pieces and Doyoung had been there to help him through it. What about Johnny? Who would help him rebuild?

"I guess being your spy was taking up too much of my time."

"Now there's the Kim Doyoung that I know. Thank you for all the updates. You didn't have to do that."

"Well I did and now you owe me one."

"Sure thing. What do you want?"

"Take care of yourself."

It's the most sincere thing that Doyoung has ever said to him. Johnny thinks he might cry.

"I'll try. Anything else?"

"You answer me if I text you."

"Of course, Doyoung. I know better than to ignore you," Johnny replies with a smile that isn't forced.

"Now you're just kissing my ass. Go home, Johnny and eat something. The starving artist look doesn't suit you at all. Especially not in those awful track pants." 

"Mhm. Bye." 

He's only taken a few steps when he has to stop because Doyoung is calling out to him.

"I'm gonna text you, Johnny."

But Johnny knows that's Doyoung speak for, "You're not alone." 

He waves and continues his walk home, Doyoung's words calming him more than any cigarette ever could.

It had taken Taeyong all of 15 minutes to wash the dishes and without anything else to do he was officially bored. It is a Sunday afternoon, one of Taeyong's favorite days, or at least they used to be. Sunday used to mean a lazy day with Johnny waking up late, eating junk food in bed, and making love whenever they felt like it. 

Taeyong gets into bed and closes his eyes, intending to take a nap. Instead, his mind wanders to one of his favorite Johnny Sundays.

"Sorry, babe. Gig ran late," Taeyong says, leaving his shoes by the door and hanging up his jacket and scarf. 

As an aspiring singer, Taeyong played gigs wherever and whenever he could. He was currently bartending at a place that sometimes let him perform when they couldn't book anyone. With one look at the rumpled blanket on the couch Taeyong knows that Johnny had fallen asleep waiting for him. 

"S'okay," Johnny replies, still half asleep. "You hungry? I can make you something."

Taeyong joins Johnny on the couch, pulling his boyfriend closer and wrapping his tiny arms around Johnny's long torso. "No thanks. You're really cute when you're sleepy. Did you know that?"

He feels Johnny nod into the crook of his neck and laughs. "Alright sleepyhead, take your boyfriend to bed."

Taeyong gasps when he suddenly feels himself being lifted off the floor. Johnny is carrying him bridal style. Taeyong is much shorter than Johnny, but nothing made him feel as small and protected as being wrapped up in Johnny's arms. 

"I can't say that I hate this, babe, but what's with the theatrics?"

"You said to take you to bed."

"You're such a romantic," Taeyong replies before giving Johnny a light kiss.

"I have my moments."

If someone had told him 3 months ago that he'd spend every Sunday morning waking up next to Johnny, well, Taeyong would've believed them. It had taken him longer than expected, but Taeyong was sure he'd be able to have his way. What he hadn't expected was how good it would feel to start the day wrapped in Johnny's embrace.

It was another "Johnny Sunday," as Taeyong had taken to calling them, and he was enjoying the feeling of Johnny's warmth surrounding him. The sunlight filtering in through the windows cast a soft glow on Johnny’s face and Taeyong is overwhelmed at the adoration he feels for the man laying next to him. He brushes a lock of hair from Johnny’s face and can't help but sing softly…

"Cause I don't wanna lose you now. I'm looking right at the other half of me The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold."

Johnny stirs then, Taeyong's voice waking him up, but instead of being annoyed he is ridiculously happy. 

”I like that song,” Johnny mumbles, eyes still closed. He scoots closer to Taeyong and nuzzles his neck

”Do you, now?”

“Mhm. I love when you sing to me.”

“I love you.”

Johnnys eyes snap open. Suddenly he's very, very awake. 

“Huh?”

“I love you, Johnny.”

It’s not that Johnny didn’t feel the same way. Hell, he’d almost let it slip several times, but he thought it was too soon. He didn’t want to scare Taeyong away. Overcome with emotion and at a loss for words, Johnny leans down for a kiss. 

Their lips fit together perfectly, and as Taeyong parts his to let him inside, Johnny can’t help the soft moan that escapes him. No one ever kissed him like Taeyong, like he might never be kissed again so this was the only moment that mattered. Johnny maneuvers Taeyong from his side to his back, kissing his way up Taeyong’s jaw to that specific spot behind Taeyong’s ear. Both men groan as Taeyong bucks up into Johnny, their erections bumping into each other. 

"Good morning?” Taeyong asks, one eyebrow raised. 

"The best," Johnny replies, sitting up. 

"Johnny?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

“You’ve told me that three times now. Aren’t you worried that I haven’t said it back?”

“Nope.” Taeyong laughs at the incredulous look on his boyfriend’s face. He reaches up to wrap a hand around Johnny’s neglected cock and enjoys the way Johnny shuts his eyes and shudders on top of him. He pumps Johnny’s cock and continues to speak.

“I’m not worried because I know you’ll say it back to me when you’re ready. I don’t need to hear it right away. But, Johnny?” Johnny opens his eyes and focuses on the man below him. “What I do need is you inside of me.”

Their lips meet again in another passionate kiss. Johnny never thought three little words could affect him so much. He was ready to say them back, but for now he was determined to show Taeyong just how much he loved him. After kissing Taeyong breathless Johnny sits up, flushed from head to toe.

"You stay right there, baby, and let me love on you."

"I wouldn't leave even if the damn apartment was on fire," Taeyong replies as Johnny laughs, loud and carefree.

By the time Johnny retrieves the condoms and lube Taeyong has his feet on the bed, legs spread wide open, lazily pleasuring himself.

"Putting on a show?" Johnny questions.

"You like?"

Johnny settles himself between Taeyong's legs. He puts his hands on Taeyong's thighs and places a kiss on both knees. "I love."

"Love, huh? You love what?" Taeyong asks.

"I love the show," Johnny fires back.

"Tease"

 _Oh?_ Johnny thinks.  _I'll show you tease, Taeyong_. He traces a lubed finger from the underside of Taeyong's cock, down his balls, smirking at the way Taeyong's abs tense.

"Johnny," Taeyong rasps.

"Hmm?" Johnny has one finger lightly tracing the outside of Taeyong's entrance.

"Johnny, please." 

"Please what?"

"Do something. Get in me."

Johnny doesn't need to be told twice. "Like this?"

"Fuck, yes. More, babe. Please."

He would never tire of being with Taeyong like this, giving him pleasure with just his hands, watching Taeyong relax and open up just for him. Johnny takes his time, stretching Taeyong, getting ready to take him. When Taeyong strokes himself faster, his frustration and neediness growing, Johnny knows he's more than ready. He quickly slips on a condom and spreads more lube on his cock, lining himself up with Taeyong's entrance. He brings a hand to stroke Taeyong's cheek.

"Baby," Johnny calls, his voice barely above a whisper.

Taeyong opens his eyes and the way Johnny is looking at him makes him feel so cared for, so loved that he swears he doesn't care if never gets to hear the actual words out loud. Johnny can feel every point of contact between Taeyong's body and his, the head of his cock pressing against Taeyong's ass, Taeyong's knees pressing into his side. He leans down to press a light kiss to Taeyong's temple.

"I love you too," Johnny confesses and slides home. 

Taeyong wants to reply, to say he loves Johnny too, but the words die in his throat as he surrenders to the pleasure of being filled by Johnny. Nothing could ever compare to it, the only thing that came close was taking Johnny himself. Taeyong uses the precum on his stomach lubricant and continues stroking, cherishing every word being whispered right to his ear.

"I love you, Taeyong." 

Johnny pulls out until just the tip of his cock is left inside before slamming back in. Taeyong's cries of pleasure are music to Johnny's ears.

"I love you so much."

Johnny places his hands on Taeyong's shins, pushing his legs back until Taeyong's thighs are on his chest. He slows his thrusts for a second to ask, "You love me, Taeyong?"

"Yes," Taeyong rasps. "God, Johnny, yes. I love you so fucking much." 

Johnny leans down to tongue Taeyong's ear and whisper, "Then show me." He pistons his hips even faster, hitting Taeyong's sweet spot on every stroke. "Come on, baby. Show me how much you love me."

A few more well placed thrusts is all it takes and Taeyong is falling apart beneath him, crying out and covering them both in his come. The visual is sexy as hell and it isn't long before Johnny finds his release, buried inside the man he loves.

Both men feel a slight sense of loss when Johnny pulls out. He disposes of the condom in the bathroom, coming back with a damp towel to clean themselves up as best they can. Taeyong hasn't moved an inch.

"What're you thinking about?" Johnny asks, running the towel over Taeyong's chest. 

"I was thinking that I really like morning sex."

Johnny laughs and gets back in the bed. They're clean enough for now. He rolls onto his side and places a kiss on Taeyong's forehead. 

"I love you."

"I love you more," is Taeyong's reply.

"Don't start that," Johnny chuckles. 

"Why? It's true."

"Is it now?"

"Yup. It is, but I'm gonna give you a chance to prove me wrong."

"Oh? How generous of you. When am I getting this chance?"

Taeyong shifts so he's laying on his side, facing Johnny. He traces the outline of his guy's luscious lips and watches as Johnny's eyes flutter closed. Taeyong follows his fingers with his tongue and soon Johnny parts his lips to deepen the kiss. Even though Taeyong finds the taste of Johnny's mouth addicting, he pulls away to whisper, "You'll get your chance the next time I'm inside you."

They continue to kiss like they have all the in the world, and for the moment, they do.


	2. Chapter 2

Four months post breakup and Johnny thinks it's definitely time to get his shit together. He is so sick and tired of being sad all the time and is ready to do something drastic to change his mood. It's time to throw away all the things that remind of him of Taeyong. 

This is how you move on. This is what people do, Johnny thinks to himself as he makes his way to the bathroom to start the task at hand. He opens the shower door and stares down enemy number one, Taeyong's bottle of body wash. It'd been empty for awhile, but Johnny couldn't bear to throw it away and that fact was really starting to piss him off. 

_It's just a fucking bottle. Man up and throw it away._

Without anymore hesitation he marches into the shower, grabs the bottle, and marches out. Johnny makes a big show of disposing the bottle in the garbage can, throwing it hard so it makes a loud noise. It's satisfying. He doesn't feel better, not exactly, but it seems like a step in the right direction so he keeps going. With a large garbage bag in hand Johnny tears through his apartment. Anything that belongs to Taeyong goes in the bag. He figures he can give it to Doyoung to give to Taeyong or just leave it on the sidewalk for the garbage man to pick up. Whatever. The refrigerator is rid of Taeyong's stupid vitamin water, his stupid and expired yogurt, along with his favorite and extra stupid vanilla flavored creamer. Johnny shuts the refrigerator door with more force than is necessary. Maybe he's breathing hard, but he doesn't think about it. His eyes settle on the corner of a photograph peeking out from beneath a pile of bills and other memos. He moves the magnets holding the papers in place to take the picture in his hands. It's older than he expected, from very early on in their relationship. Johnny can't remember who took the photo, but they must've said something really funny because the shot captures Taeyong mid laugh. Johnny has his right hand resting on Taeyong's shoulder while the other hand is cutely making a V sign. They were at one of Doyoung's infamous house parties and judging by the blush on Taeyong's neck, he was about half a drink away from being truly drunk.

Johnny can't help but smile at the memory, even while he places the picture in the bag. His eyes do a quick scan of the rest of his living space and he frowns when he doesn't see any other pictures lying around. He feels... Disappointed? How could so many years together be represented in only one picture? 

 _With the next one. I'll take more pictures with whoever comes next._  

Even while he's ridding his apartment of all things Taeyong, Johnny should've known better than to try to convince himself of that. The thought of sharing his home, his life, with someone other than Taeyong makes him feel physically ill.

"Fuck," Johnny mumbles, nauseated, frustrated at how weak he feels. 

Instead of dwelling on the moment, Johnny decides to keep throwing shit out. The last place left to look is the bookshelf. He adds books, CDs, and old magazines to the bag. Feeling somewhat satisfied that he's completed what he set out to do, Johnny is about to call it night when his eye catches on a hint of gold in the far corner of the shelf. Unceremoniously dropping the trash bag on the floor, Johnny uses both hands to cradle the tiny Eiffel Tower figurine. He sinks into the memory of the day Taeyong gave it to him. He stares at it for a moment and instead of putting the figurine in the bag, Johnny places it back on the shelf.

 

Taeyong is a silent observer. They'd been walking down the Las Vegas strip for an hour or so, taking in the sights. Even surrounded by the larger than life hotels, beautiful fountains, and sparkling fluorescent lights, Taeyong's favorite sight was standing slightly in front of him, admiring the Paris hotel. Taeyong takes his time, watching how the flashing lights change the hue of Johnny's slightly reddish hair. Johnny turns then, flashing him a smile that just about melts his heart, and Taeyong closes the distance between them. 

Taeyong wraps his arms around Johnny's waist and tiptoes so he can (almost) rest his chin on his shoulder, loving the way Johnny always automatically adjusted his height to accommodate him. 

"This one your favorite, babe?"

Johnny nods and adds, "Did you know this is only a half size replica?" Taeyong shakes his head so Johnny continues, "The Eiffel Tower was the tallest man made structure for 41 years."

"What replaced it?"

"The Chrysler building in New York."

"What's the tallest man made structure right now?"

"The Burj Khalifa. It's a skyscraper in Dubai."

"Nerd." 

Johnny laughs and they're standing so close that the sound rumbles through Taeyong's chest.

"It's so beautiful though, don't you think? Even if it's just a replica. The real Eiffel Tower must be breathtaking."

"I bet."

"The entire structure is covered in twenty thousand light bulbs that sparkle for five minutes every hour on the hour after sundown. Can you picture it? I'd love to see it someday."

Taeyong squeezes Johnny a little harder and presses a kiss to the back of his neck. 

"Keep imagining it. I'll be right back."

Johnny hums in response and Taeyong takes off, weaving in and out of tourists, making his way to the hotel entrance. Thankfully what he's looking for is nearby and Taeyong is able to make it back to his guy in no time. To no one's surprise, Johnny is just as he left him. 

Taeyong conceals his hands behind his back and calls out, "Johnny!"

Johnny turns and the mischief in his boyfriend's eyes makes him arch an eyebrow.

"Hiding something there?"

"Mhm. Close your eyes and hold out your hands. Good boy," Taeyong praises while giving Johnny his surprise.

Johnny scoffs before opens his eyes. His gift is a tiny Eiffel Tower.

"This will have to do for now, babe," Taeyong continues. He circles his hands around Johnny's waist once more, holding him close. "But rest assured, Johnny Suh. One day I'm gonna take you to Paris and kiss you under the Eiffel Tower, under all fifty gajillion lights."

"It's twenty thousand lights," Johnny replies, teasing. 

"Whatever. The point is, we're going. I don't know when, but its happening. Is that okay with you?"

"I think we could work something out."

Johnny places his personal Eiffel Tower in his pocket and wraps his arms around Taeyong's neck. And even though they're only standing under a half replica, the kiss they share isn't any less sweet.

 

Even as he dresses for the party, Johnny can't believe that he'd seriously agreed to going. Actually, that's not exactly right. Doyoung had been relentless in convincing him. All things considered Johnny had been doubtful about Doyoung's promise to check up on him and he'd been very, very wrong. As if on cue, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. 

[I better see you later. No flaking out on me.]

[I said I was going, didn't I?]

[Please check your attitude at the door. See you later, Johnny.]

Johnny rolls his eyes and pockets his phone, giving his outfit one last check. Black shoes, ripped skinny jeans, and a white button up shirt with the sleeves folded up to his elbows. Perfect. Doyoung would kick his ass if he showed up to the party in the track pants he was getting too used to wearing. 

Weeks ago, when Doyoung had first invited him, the first thing Johnny wanted to know was if Taeyong would be there. Doyoung's response had been something along the lines of, "Of course, idiot" and Johnny's first instinct was to decline the invitation. Not one to take no for an answer Doyoung kept texting, which led to Johnny thinking, and eventually he just said yes. Why should he stay at home just because Taeyong was going to be there? It'd been six months with zero contact. Clearly Taeyong was over it and Johnny was, you know, getting there. Mutual friends would be attending and Johnny thought he deserved to see them too.

It's now or never. Johnny grabs his keys and is about to leave when he hears his doorbell. He opens the door and is very surprised at who he sees standing there.

 

Everything is going according to plan, Doyoung thinks as he lies in bed. Taeyong is out picking up last minute party supplies so, for the moment, Doyoung has the apartment to himself. While he quite enjoyed having someone to boss around, Doyoung had to admit that it was high time for Taeyong to make some decisions about his future. What Doyoung was unsure about was whether or not that future would include Johnny. 

After what he considered was a partially successful meeting with Johnny, Doyoung had done all he could to weasel information out of his "roommate." Taeyong's resistance to call still wasn't making any sense. It was like Taeyong was out to prove just how stubborn he could be. Doyoung kept up with his pestering until Taeyong finally snapped, screaming and slamming the door in his face. That's when Doyoung was sure that Taeyong and Johnny needed to see each other. They could both keep on pretending to be fine, but Doyoung knew better. Since neither of them were willing to call the other, he'd just have to find a way to put them together. This party would solve everything. Well, maybe not everything, but at the very least Doyoung could figure out what to do next. 

He hears a jingling of keys, Taeyong entering the apartment and kicking the door shut behind him. Doyoung sighs because his temporary moment of peace and quiet has come to an end. It'll be worth it, though, if Doyoung can figure this all out. 

"I can't believe you forgot," the man in the passenger seat of Johnny's car whines. "I told you a week in advance."

"I apologized already, didn't I? Come on, Jaehyun. Don't be difficult."

"Whatever, fake ass friend. Now you owe me two dinners." 

Dinner plans with his oldest friend had completely slipped Johnny's mind. 

"Ugh. I know, I know. You sure you don't wanna stay for the party? I'm sure Doyoung wouldn't mind."

"Uhhh... Doyoung is scary and I'm pretty sure he hates me."

"He'd probably hate you less if you called him hyung. He's into honorifics. Trust me." 

"I don't even call my own hyung, hyung."

"You don't have an older brother, idiot. You're an only child."

"Well if I did I wouldn't call him hyung."

"You are really fucking weird sometimes. Do you know that?"

"Everyone knows that," Jaehyun replies, pulling a stick of gum out of his pocket and putting it in his mouth, chewing it as loudly as possible. Things like that annoyed Johnny. "Is Taeyong gonna be there?" Jaehyun continues, noticing the way Johnny grips the steering wheel tighter at the mention of his ex's name. 

"Yeah."

"So?"

"So what? He's gonna be there."

"Isn't it gonna be weird? You guys haven't spoken in like eight months."

"Six months, but -"

"But who's counting the days, right?" Jaehyun says with a smirk.

"You're a fucking asshole, Jung Jaehyun." 

"You betcha." Jaehyun winks and Johnny wonders, not for the first time, why such an asshat meant so much to him. "Seriously though, are you gonna, like, say hi to him or what?" 

"I dunno. Does it matter? We're both over it anyway."

"Clearly."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that in the past six months I've seen you, what, three times?"

"I've been busy," Johnny retorts, defensive.

"Uh huh. Real busy moping around your apartment with the lights off while your depression playlist is on a loop."

"You know what? On second thought, you are totally not invited to this party." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll come up and say hi to Doyoung _hyung_  and then you're gonna loan me your car for the night."

"I am?"

"You are. Call me when you wanna get picked up. I have a feeling you'll need a ride home." 

"Fine, man. Whatever." 

As expected, Taeyong is in Doyoung's kitchen mixing drinks. He'd been bartending on and off since college and his friends had stopped asking him to do it as a favor years ago. If Taeyong agreed to go your party, that meant you had a bartender. 

Taeyong hadn't been keen on the idea of Doyoung throwing a huge party, but he had to admit that he was having a good time. It'd been a long time since he'd done anything fun. With the music playing and the alcohol flowing, the atmosphere is lively, but not overwhelming. Taeyong is about to take a break, intending to mingle a bit, when Doyoung opens the door for a very unexpected guest. 

Johnny.

The entrance of the apartment is visible from the kitchen and as soon as he sees Johnny standing in the doorway he has to lean against the refrigerator for support. 

_What is he doing here?_

Taeyong wants to run and hide, but he can't tear his eyes away from Johnny, can't bear to look away even for a second. He looks so good, even better than in Taeyong's memories, in the dreams that plagued him almost every night. Before Taeyong can figure out what to do next, someone puts his arm around Johnny and pulls him into their side. Jaehyun. Taeyong had met him of course, liked him even, but at the moment he wanted nothing more than to punch Jaehyun right in his smug face. Maybe Jaehyun didn't even deserve a punch... Maybe Taeyong felt like slapping him. Rationally Taeyong knows that his jealousy makes no sense, but that doesn't stop his hands from clenching into fists when Jaehyun leans in close to whisper something in Johnny's ear. It must've been funny because Johnny smiles, the corner of his eyes crinkling just so and Taeyong feels like he's the one that's been hit. Jaehyun holds out his hand then and Johnny deposits his car keys in them. 

_Jaehyun is gonna pick him up later. Does that mean they're going home together? Maybe Johnny needs a designated driver. Johnny isn't much of a drinker though. Maybe he started? Wait, do they live together now?_

As if to deliver one last sucker punch, Jaehyun hugs Johnny and in return Johnny ruffles Jaehyun's hair before he goes. Taeyong has to turn away then, too consumed by his own ugly emotions to keep watching. He's about to pour himself a very strong drink, when Doyoung stops him.

"No drinking on the job."

Not in the mood for banter Taeyong snaps, "What the hell is he doing here?"

"Who? Johnny? Obviously I invited him."

"Why, hyung? Why would you do that?"

The crack in Taeyong's voice makes his heart ache, but Doyoung stays in character, arches an eyebrow at him and Taeyong's irritation grows. "You said you were over it, Taeyong. At the very least you implied it. And he agreed to come so he must feel the same way." 

Realizing that Taeyong is no longer paying any attention to him, Doyoung follows his gaze. Johnny is engaged in a conversation with a woman who was very obviously flirting with him. Doyoung shifts his attention back to Taeyong who is so tense, he looks like he might snap in half. The woman puts her hand on Johnny's forearm. They both laugh and Doyoung notices how Taeyong's neck has gone a weird shade of splotchy red. 

 _I knew it,_ Doyoung thinks to himself. _Taeyong, you idiot._  

The woman, apparently more drunk than she realized, stumbles and spills her drink all over Johnny's shirt. She's mortified and offers to clean it up, but Johnny refuses. Instead he guides her to the couch and makes his way to the bathroom. Without any hesitation, Taeyong follows. 

"That's what I thought," Doyoung mumbles. "Good luck, Taeyong."

 

 _This is not how this night was supposed to go_ , Johnny thinks as he makes his way to the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. He undoes the ofhis shirt. Whatever that woman had spilled on him was sticky and he needed to wash it out. He's about to shrug off his shirt and turn on the faucet when he hears the door open. He'd forgotten to lock it.

"Sorry, there's someone -"

The bathroom is like a vacuum, all the air is sucked out of the room and Johnny struggles to take a breath.

It's Taeyong.

Taeyong locks the door and leans on it, taking a moment to study the man in front of him. Remembering his current state of undress, Johnny suddenly feels very exposed. He watches as Taeyong crosses his arms as his eyes continue to rove over his body. Fighting the urge to cover his partially exposed chest, Johnny stuffs his hands in the pocket of his jeans. The tension in the room is palpable and Johnny thinks that if Taeyong doesn't move or speak or, if he was 100% honest with what he wanted, touch him that he just might suffocate. 

He can't take it anymore.

"Taeyong, what are you -"

But Johnny doesn't get a chance to finish his thought because Taeyong moves first. 

In one smooth motion Taeyong pushes off the wall and grabs Johnny's waist, attacking the plump lips so unlike his own. He spins them around, pushing Johnny against the door with a surprising amount of strength while continuing to devour his mouth. 

Just his voice... Just his voice saying my name and that's all it takes. 

The back of Johnny's head hits the door, but he doesn't care, it doesn't even register. The only thing he can feel, the only thing that matters, is the man that's pressed firmly against him. His fingers tangle in Taeyong's hair. The brown locks are much longer than before and Johnny yanks on them, causing the other man to growl. Taeyong pulls away, hands sliding down Johnny's smooth torso, spreading Johnny's shirt open to expose even more skin. He takes one nipple in his mouth while teasing the other with his fingers and Johnny clenches his jaw trying to stay quiet, shutting his eyes and surrendering to whatever Taeyong will do next. Taeyong continues to run fingertips down Johnny's body, savoring every sigh, every tiny gasp. The air is thick, the heat between their bodies growing, and it isn't long before Johnny's jeans and boxers are pooled at his feet. Johnny opens his eyes, watching as Taeyong spits into his palm, cursing under his breath because it's equal parts filthy and sexy and god dammit he should've just kept his fucking eyes closed. Taeyong rubs his palm over the head of Johnny's cock, circular motions that make any sort of. higher level thinking impossible. 

The way Johnny bites his bottom lip to muffle his moans, the sweat dampening his brow, the death grip Johnny has on his waist, painful yet pleasurable in its own way, Taeyong is addicted to it. Hehas to use every single ounce of self control to keep from coming in his pants. He loves Johnny like this, raw and uninhibited, and his. A new wave of possessiveness washes over him then. Taeyong's hand speeds up, his spit and Johnny's precome making it easy to stroke his cock fast and sloppy. He attaches his lips to Johnny's neck nipping lightly at first then sucking hard. Johnny yelps, surprised at the pain, but does nothing to stop him. A lick to soothe and Taeyong leans back to admire the bruise. Johnny is marked. Johnny is his. He leans back in, even closer than before, and nuzzles Johnny's neck to take in his scent. It's all aftershave and heat and sex. Taeyong twists his wrist just right while whispering one word into Johnny's ear. 

"Mine."

The effect of that one word is like a bucket of ice water being dumped on Johnny's head. He freezes, eye snapping open, but his body is too far gone and Taeyong's hand is working him too well and Johnny comes on a shout in the confines of Doyoung's bathroom. 

He takes a few deep breaths to steady himself and then he's shoving Taeyong in the chest.

"Get the fuck off of me." Johnny pulls up his boxers and pants before muscling his way past Taeyong. He walks to the sink, checking his reflection in the mirror. "Fuck," he mumbles when he sees the bruise standing out on the pale white skin of his neck. Johnny tries to button his shirt with shaking fingers. He curses, giving up halfway before turning back to the door, but Taeyong is blocking his exit. "Move."

"Johnny, I -"

"Get out of my way, Taeyong."

"Will you just... Fuck, Johnny. Just give me a second."

The bewildered look on Taeyong's face somehow compliments his wild hair and disheveled clothing. Even though Johnny is fuming he can appreciate how hot Taeyong looks, pupils blown wide in arousal. If anything, that just makes him more mad. 

"You're in my way."

"I know. Just... What the hell? Why are you mad?"

Johnny laughs in response and the sound sends a chill down Taeyong's spine.

"Are you fucking serious? 'Mine.' Really, Taeyong?" 

"I was just -"

"Just what? Just doing whatever the fuck you want without thinking about anyone else's feelings? Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Johnny, please. Listen to -"

"No, you fucking listen!" Johnny shouts. He rarely raised his voice and the force of it snaps Taeyong's mouth shut. Johnny is breathing hard again, adrenaline taking over, and he isn't sure whether he wants to hit Taeyong or kiss him again. All he knows is that he needs to get out before he explodes. 

"You left, Taeyong. You packed up your shit and walked out on me. How dare you act like I fucking belong to you. I'm not yours. I'm not anyone's."

Taeyong couldn't have stopped the tears even if he tried. He makes no attempt to wipe away the wetness on his face and Johnny's heart constricts, but he doesn't offer any comfort. He can't.

"Johnny, I -"

"Just don't, okay? I don't need a half assed apology from you. Now get out of my way."

Taeyong takes a small step to the side and Johnny brushes by him without looking back. He doesn't bother saying goodbye to Doyoung or anyone else. As soon as he's out on the street he slumps against the nearest wall, sliding down until he's sitting on the pavement. He feels just as afraid and alone as the night that Taeyong left, like some sort of sick déjà vu. Johnny finally allows himself to cry. The sobs rack his body, but he manages to send out a text.

[Come pick me up]

**Author's Note:**

> [song reference](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuZE_IRwLNI)   
>  [twitter](https://twitter.com/lovelyday_86)   
>  [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/lovelyday86)


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